He is great & i love him & want to be with him but i don't want to be in a sexless relationship forever, especially when i feel we can't talk openly about these things. & all he wanted to do was lay on the couch. then i went & prepared all excited, nice perfume etc. He told me the other night before i left to go away for work, that he wanted to do it. I travel a lot for work & he won't even be intimate with me before i leave for a week away. (even though it is true) he got very defensive even though i told him that i was finding it difficult to talk to him about it & was worried of the consequences & i was only telling him because i love him & want us to work. Anyway, i told him how i felt & he got upset with me & told me that i shouldn't put all the blame on him & i am acting like he is the reason i feel so down about myself. I felt physically sick because i knew he would get the shits.
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I really tried to open up to him the other day & talk to him about it. but i am so down because he doesn't want me! It is a vicious cycle :( He said this makes it worse & it doesn't really make him feel like he wants me when i am so down.
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My self esteem is shot & i am so down on myself. My self confidence is now non-existent from being constantly rejected. We are lucky if we have sex once a month, usually it is less than that & we are both physically fit, healthy & attractive. but when i am being spontaneous - refer to the above. so then i ask to plan it & he tells me it will feel forced & not spontaneous. but every time i do he is tired, or sick or not in the mood, or has something more important to do, or tells me my timing is terrible. The unfortunate thing is, that i really do try. He never initiates anymore, & then gets annoyed with me because he feels i don't initiate. even before he started medications he has just not wanted it. In the past year, the sex has gone from amazing & frequent to non-existent. We have been together for 2.5 years, live together, have created a home & life together & we would like to head in the direction of marriage. I suffer from bi-polar (mostly under control) & he suffers from anxiety & depression (he is on meds) I'm a 30 y/o woman in a long term relationship with a 29 y/o guy.